Flarf Poetry

Flarf Poetry

Spring 2014

__________

Snow

Fall of Man

 

A slow moving storm of innocent obedience

The revolt of our first parents, a Canadian reggae musician

The serpent was more crafty than the fruit of that tree

Further god warned that you’ve just dented your bumper

Fall of man,

men would surely die for the PlayStation 3.

__________

Eclipse

Bastille

 

They began as a solo project

A symbol of the ruling Bourbon

Temporarily obscured

Stormed by an armed mob of Parisians

An astronomical event

Places you in control

Keen eyes amongst you

Observing tips

Bastille restaurant and wine bar

_________

Journey

Beginner’s Guide

 

Beginner’s guide supported by Tailess Monkeys

Journey highly efficient unifying force

No quality hard wired in monkey town

Non human baboons evolving

__________

Selfie

Hashtag

 

#hashtagselfie

2013 year of the selfie

Obama’s funeral selfie #sad

Too many selfies need to call the po-po #911 #selfiepolice

Hashtag hashtag everywhere there’s a hashtag #toomuch #goingcrazy

STOP USING SO MANY HASHTAGS!! #seriouslystop

__________

Oatmeal

Monday Mornings

 

Truth, beauty, and unkempt chest hair,

The medical drama,

limping out of the gate.

 

Add a touch of cream,

face life-and-death decisions.

Natural TNT.

__________

 

Fall 2013

__________

Halloween is a dark, twisted holiday

(weird pumpkin carving, controversial costumes)

 

Halloween is a dark, twisted holiday

Get your carving tools out

It’s an odd experience to hunt for pumpkins with this twisted agenda;

All Carved Up & a Weird Tale of Pumpkin Madness… Fall has fallen!

Don’t settle for the same boring old Jack O’Lantern

Halloween is a dark, twisted holiday

Meet the People Who Design the Sexy Pizza Costume

As an adult, your Halloween costume options are usually either sexy or scary

Thinking about dressing as a racial or ethnic stereotype this Halloween?

“We’re a culture, not a costume.”

Kill all attacking zombies to earn money

Halloween is a dark, twisted holiday

This is cool

__________

Message: Halloween and Horror

(trick or treat) (history of halloween)

 

Halloween and Horror

Crops were burned and animals were sacrificed

Death makes a holiday

When it becomes a cult hit

Be sure to keep checking back

I don’t know what to expect

Kids, start your engines

Come out to play!

With metric tons of duct tape

Join us in the park!

It will be a mild but wet and windy Halloween

Storms move in tonight

Remember to turn on your porch light

Halloween is a Satanist Christmas

When doors are open to young doorbell ringers

Threatening to play

Deliver the goods; today’s candy crazy

It’s a weird holiday when you really begin to think about it

I don’t remember anything

__________

Halloween is scary

(murder & ghosts)

Are you eighteen years or older?

The last twenty days have been a nightmare

Big news on murder:

In traditional belief and fiction, a ghost is the soul or spirit of a dead person

or animal that can appear, in visible form or other manifestation,

to the living.

Her epic ex calls  (Halloween came early)

Simon used to just be an apprentice butcher at a grocery store when he grew up

But he’s never seen a ghost with his own eyes

At one point he was going alone

CAW CAW CAW CAW!!!! CAW!! CAW! CA’CAW!

The act of murder is rampant in revival

She could no longer call her ex,

A woman being tortured,

A brutal murder, a sensational trial and a lingering mystery…

__________

Halloween Dangers

(Razor apples, Trick or Treating)

 

Have some spooky fun

Kids, start your engines

The quest for candy.

It’s not what you think.

Sweet stuff wreaks havoc.

It is no longer safe.

And every Halloween, like clockwork

Twisted Minds,

Make Halloween a Dangerous Time.

Call on friendly neighbors.

The stories of evil strangers

Weapons released for Halloween.

Halloween fun.

Costume contests, movie nights and trick-or-treats

Children in costumes travel from house to house

“Just harmless fun,”

Vortexes of hell.

New attacks against souls on this day

There have been reports.

Razor blades and poison.

Ingesting adulterated candy

What a privilege it is to be a kid.

__________

Ready for a Break

(Holiday Season, Finals Week)

 

Grab the coffee, books, and alcohol. It’s finals week. ..

Over-indulging equal bad

The worst week of a college or high school students = Finals week

 “make or break” period

#readytobehome  #fighting!

Thoughts elsewhere

netflix Lazy College Senior.

solid waste

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Which drink will have the strongest caffeine concentration?

Exotic traveling in Thailand, India, Costa Rica, South Africa, Zambia and Mosambique.

have 10 page papers to write, finals to study for, and, oh yeah, regular homework assignments to complete.

two-hour segments

month of merriment.

I want to eat a cold turkey-stuffing-cranberry-sauce sandwich.

 Holidays = an opportunity to enhance your psychological well-being,

So I don’t die from stresssssssssss

__________

Why Poetry Is Complicated

(why poetry sucks, why poetry is awesome)

 

First of all, before I start

I think poetry is fucking stupid.

What pisses me off the most about poetry is that I have fuckin eighty-five times the

amount of brain activity of the average poet

News flash asshole, poems are nothing but a collection of words.

This is why poetry matters:

Poetry Rocks! poetry sucks

That’s why poetry writing is so wild and free: there are no rules

Maybe it’s a little late to be asking this question, but here I am

Do my poems suck? Please be honest?

_________

Parallel of Pumpkin and Man Carving

(spooky scary & pumpkin knife)

 

Major Martin was a homeless man

A warm night was

facing mysterious dangers in a spooky motel,

scary Chinese tale about deception

SHRIEKING SKULLS WILL SHOCK YOUR SOUL

even if you have good knife skills

pumpkins is difficult and dangerous

a kitchen knife to hack away at the tough outer wall

Use a knife to remove the lid

Hack away

to carve Phil Spector

knife-and-fork job

a pair of pliers and a knife, all dripping red

You know when it’s done when a knife comes out clean

“Hacked to Death with a Butcher Knife

able to view at work

__________

The MRS Degree

(Pledge, MRS Degree)

Join with millions across the country who

Always Classy Sometimes Sassy.

Majoring in Housewife

The fight to end distracted driving

your half of the decision to invest in

the most valuable thing a girl can get out of a college

a similar promise first used in

a ring

Incredibe sandwich maker

contributes very little to our relationship

Don’t Frack New York

Does anyone secretly …

Majoring in housewife with a minor in MILF

Your all-American girl.

Stereotypes have no place in college

That is everything they accomplish.

#YOLO #FLARFLIFE #FRATS4FLARF

Spring 2013

__________

Make Today a Sunny Day!

Blending beauty and humor with tragedy and loss

young hip caucsian teenagers referring to marijuana.

Smoke it while you can, it’s some trippy shit.

SUNNY D JUST WENT GREEN

What more do you need to know?

__________

Human flight has become a tired fact of modern life
The crap we put up with
Seal the deal with a great pair of shoes you got for a steal!
Read what people are saying and join the conversation.
Put your best foot forward
find exactly what you want now
handpicked for you by our fashion experts
find your match
__________
Aubergine
Love is all you need
you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together
This classic northern Italian recipe
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering
delicious on the barbecue or cooked slowly in a vegetable curry or ratatouille.
Sophisticated
a feast of flavours and textures
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling
our Premier Product!
Calculates the chance on a successful relationship between two people
vain of her beauty
It’s somehow so painful to watch
a game that I have been developing for over five years, alone and without funding
Brit term for what is call an Eggplant in the US
a chance to win a FREE TABLE
__________
To begin with, not all homicides are crimes
Madness is the emergency exit
The killing of one human being by another human being
kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness
new investigative series of murder cases told through the personal experience/another family who has also lost a loved one to homicide
A playing card
Having tallied a “very promising” 41 murders so far
Joker’s next move will shock batman
A person employed to tell jokes and provide entertainment
shot in long beach
murder
Joker is a must-have for your bookshelf
__________
I recently lucked into about 4 lbs of a delicious Parmesan.
THE KING OF CHEESE
Parmigiano-Reggiano? It’s the law.
designed to enable the human foot
Wait! Don’t throw the rinds away
great gift for a close friend
dry, crumbly cheese
hug each toe individually
few kinds of Italian extra-hard cheeses
do not require any extra room in your shoes
Want to thank TFD for its existence?
exercise your feet with toe socks
you’ve never known the joy of a pair
accepting phone orders 24 hours a day
show off what you have learned!
__________
Based on Finnish mythology, this movie traces the exploits of Lemminkainen as
he woos the fair Annikki and battles the evil witch Louhi. Making A Difference for
Generations. On Froze-to-Death Mountain
Volunteering is generally considered an altruistic activity and is intended to promote
good or improve human quality of life
based on the idea that hell (a very hot place where people are punished forever) can
never freeze.
faithful force, froze or crashed
as a result of extreme cold.
play an essential role in inspiring and engaging millions of people all over the world
What if every child fulfilled his or her potential?
__________
A small or elusive supernatural being
The lion is the main attraction
Sprite quenches your thirst with its clean, crisp, lemon-lime taste
pleasant feeling or sensation to the touch
a two-dimensional image
a small imaginary person with wings
the lion is the main attraction
I’m not Fat… I’m Fluffy!
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